New Zealand Story

The Te Anau Cathedral


I heard him wake with a groan. I feigned sleep and ignored his raspy lamentations. We had arrived the prior evening in Te Anau and after finding ours beds immediately found a local pub and procured a dangerous amount of alcohol. Passing around bourbon as if we sat on a Tennessee porch, the night quickly got away from us. Around midnight we met a few British chaps and the four of us exchanged shots until the lights came on in the pub. We returned to the hostel where a bottle of rum made a sudden appearance, only to rapidly evaporate in the heat of the celebrations. I met a girl from Brooklyn and discussed Russian Literature, a topic in which the depth of my knowledge failed miserably to impress. She left shortly after introducing herself. I returned to the rum and the revelry. We all rejoiced until the bottle could spill no more. At some point we returned to our beds and relented to the alcohol and the night. Now, I lay atop my bunk this morning, completely nude, with no blankets or sheets, in our twelve bed dorm room.
“Fuck, what time is it?” he asked, revealing that my clever ruse of simulating sleep did not convince him.
“4…4:50…I think,” I replied, peering at my watch through crusty eyes, while covering my glory with my left hand.
“Wow, we slept through the whole day. What time does our boat leave?”
“6, I think. We better get our asses in gear…Where are my sheets?”
He peered over and saw my current state of barrenness. He did not look pleased. “I have one king hell of a hang over, mind putting your cock away. Much appreciated.”
I stood and dug around the bed looking for my jeans. I found them and jostled them up over my hips, being mindful not to fall from the edge of my upper bunk. Rummaging through the pockets, I found my wallet and passport ensuring that these were. in fact, my pants. I jumped down from the bed and immediately noticed the weakness in my knees.
“My legs feel like paperweights,” I said. “Does bourbon erode calcium deposits in bones? Cause I don’t think my knees can support my frame right now.” I anchored myself on the bedpost and performed slow, steady squats in an attempt to strengthen my feeble legs.
“You look like an asshole,” he replied, laughing. Then suddenly averting his eyes from me: “Your fly is down. Do you like the dewy air down there or something? Tuck it away, buddy.”
I adjusted myself and zipped up. I looked down then and noticed that I had one sock on, something I did not notice earlier. Diving into my bag, I found another sock and attempted to put it on my left foot. As I did, I lost my balance and fell onto a chair situated in the corner. He laughed from his bunk. I pulled myself up from my seat, my legs creaking under the weight and solemnly looked up at him: “We’re in shambles.”
“Yes. Yes, we are,” he stoically replied.
“Well, let’s try to stomach something before we get on the boat.”
“I don’t even want to go now. This hang over has talons.”
“Suck it up, let’s go.” He rolled his eyes and jumped down.
* * *

We got on the boat just as the sun descended behind the lake, which had the desirous effect of limiting the light entering our swollen skulls. About fifteen other patrons were taking the boat to the caves. We usually hated tours, but the glow worm caves had been restricted solely to the one tour group, so we could not have travelled there by ourselves. At least with so few passengers we could maintain a relatively quit atmosphere, I thought to myself as, little to my knowledge, about fifty Asian tourists made their way down the docks to the ferry.
They lumbered onto the ship in a steady, single file line that did not seem to end. They all sat in the middle of the ferry, chatting quietly and smiling, really looking ready for an adventure; the polar opposite of our demeanours. A young girl, one of the tour guides, approached the large group and asked if they would like a Chinese program for the tour. A middle aged Asian man waved to her to come closer. She leaned in. He shook his head and waved for her to come closer still. She leaned ever closer. Again, he refused to speak and summoned her until her ear almost pressed against his lips. She slouched over him apprehensively as he slowly turned his head and at the top of his lungs yelled directly into her ear: “TAIWANESE...” followed by a whispered “…not Chinese.” The large group all shared a hearty laugh and we joined in with them. The yelling man noticed our glee and gave us a pair of quaint thumbs up in our direction. We returned the gesture and soon the entire boat joined in a menagerie of erected thumbs.
The boat took forty minutes to arrive on the island which housed the caves. I caught myself napping briefly on a few occasions. I did not look forward to spelunking through the caves. I wanted to stay on the boat until this infernal hang over had exhausted itself and fled my system. Thoughts of my bed back at the hostel began to fill my head. I just had to get through this three hour tour and then I could sleep for two days, after finding my sheets of course. Ignoring any possibility of adventure, I set my head back against my seat, closed my eyes, and waited for the boat to dock.

* * *
By the time we reached the mouth of the cave, night had overtaken the day. I could hear the water as it roared through the interior of the cave. Our tour guide explained that photographs would not be allowed as exposure to light instantly killed the delicate glow worms. For the next half hour we meandered through the cave, unable to hear anything due to the raging underground river flying past us. The cave had been laid out with steel platforms, which facilitated our journey. We stopped briefly a few times, so our guide could explain some of the geological anomalies found in the caves. Interestingly enough, until 1948 when they were rediscovered, these caves had been restricted to Maori legends. Since their revival, the caves had become a location for extensive study due to their extremely rare nature.
As we ascended a metal staircase and walked down a narrow alley of stone, the sound of rushing water began to dissipate into the distance. An eerie quiet began to take hold of our environment. We reached the end of the steel platforms and our tour guide turned around, revealing a small boat, which held ten people, sitting in the still water of the narrow passage.
“We will now be entering the part of the caves that holds the glow worms themselves,” she explained. “There will be absolutely no light in this area so keep your hands inside the boat at all times. I also must ask that you remain completely silent because sounds can travel and echo rapidly in the caverns, which can harm the worms. If there isn’t any questions…Ok, everyone climb in and enjoy the worms.”
I allowed everyone to settle into their seats and then took the last remaining spot at the front of the boat. The guide pulled on a rope that would steer us through the caverns. The light started to disappear and as darkness took over, little spots of neon green began to appear to the left and right of the boat. Judging by the luminosity of the spots, we could not have been more than two feet away from the cave walls on both sides. My hung over still dug into my psyche. The bright, neon green worms intrigued me, but I sat fixed, dreaming about my bed back in Te Anau. Suddenly, the green dots vanished and total darkness returned. I could feel the boat turning slowly. The man next to me let out a brief, but audible gasp. I determined that he had been looking straight up because the sound came from above me. Glancing up I saw the source of his astonishment. As the boat turned, thousands of neon green points began revealing themselves, scattering around the caverns. I marvelled for the next ten minutes at the majesty of this room. I felt like being on some bizarre planet where the night sky above glimmered in this eerie green glow.
The boat completed its turn and now I found myself seated at the back. We slowly began to exit the cavern. I looked back and the expanse of the cave revealed itself. The ceiling looked like it could be anywhere from five hundred to a thousand feet high with millions of tiny, specks of green light emanating from its rugged surface. I could only compare it to a great cavernous cathedral, but all the more magnificent because it had nothing to do with God. I ignored my whiskey sickness and lost myself in the moment of that beauty. I immediately recognized that this portrait of natural perfection in front of me would be one of those rare images that never leave you. We returned to the narrow passageway near the boat launch. Being at the end of the boat, I had the pleasure to watch the glow worms slowly blink out of view until I heard the distant sound of running water.
On the ride back to Te Anau, we ascended to the top of the ferry where we could see the stars. I had never seen the night sky in the southern hemisphere and immediately noticed the Southern Cross. Covered in absolute darkness, Lake Te Anau acted as a perfect star gazing location. We could see thousands of glowing orbs, making out the basic shape of the Milky Way. As I looked at the white, twinkling light of those distant suns I could not help but wish they possessed a more vibrant hue to their glow.